Where I am… Deep breath….. I woke up today and said I am not going to have a schedule, nothing. I am just going to do what I do. I am not going to have a workout plan, no diet plan, not going to record or plan anything. So, there is a quote if you fail to plan, you plan to fail! 
So, just to see, I don’t know why I did it today. Just thought it would be a fun game. lol! Ok So, not a lot gone done is what I am saying.. So, I have no diet written down and no workout done…. Which to me feels almost insignificant after watching this heart breaking show today. Heartbreaking? Is that the right word. It is more bringing awareness to other things in the world. I almost felt like what I am up to isn’t that important, that my inner struggles are not that bad. There are people out there who are living with the HIV virus daily. Taking their medication and dealing with the world trying to fit in. It was an intense show that is for sure!! Go to http://www2.oprah.com/index.jhtml to learn more about it if you would like.
My fitness world, I will write another post for that!!! Need to make a choice in my commitment’s!
Body - My body feels inflamed. I feel like I have been eating too much food and too much sugar, causing an imbalance in me. and it is showing up on my face as it does… I also didn’t move my body today that causes lack of blood pumping. A schedule for my life and my workouts just needs to be done. I can’t be a free bird and expect to get it done. The other part of my mind takes over and causes not a world that I would like to live in
Mind – My mental state today was just… I felt like what the hell are we doing here on this earth. I mean really what are we doing with our food, what are we doing with emotions, what is going on with our youth. I can see so much beauty and I can see much hate, anger, jealousy, fighting, and just pain. I was just in the thought today like what am I doing to make a difference? I know that doing a contest is fun and all games. But, when it comes down to it, is it going to help human kind in things like Oprah was talking about. There are so many people out there in the world that need help, they need love, they need acceptance….. Just consumed my thoughts today…. It was a bit overwhelming and also caused me to look where can I see a fit for me to make a difference.
Soul – My soul hurt today. There was a deep pain for humanity today. For the soldiers that are dying, for the people who are running the world, for the way that most people are living their lives, for the food, the drugs that are poisoning us… I was emotional today on a deep level. It caused me to be off, and sad and not so regulated on my diet…. The whole HIV conversation brought up a lot for me. There are so many people who are not having protected sex. But, since when did we have to wear these rubber condoms to protect ourselves from each other. To really think about it, how did we get off track that we have created diseases that distance us from each other more and more. Does anyone else think it is weird that we now have to put on a condom, something rubber on a penis before it enters into the vagina…The one way that we can connect with another human being on the deepest level, it is so raw, so deep and we now have to put a piece of rubber in that mix.. There are levels of darkness to that, more now than ever. There is a risk of your life when your dealing with HIV! Where it hit me was there is this wild aspect of ourselves, we are sexual, we were conceived within sexual energy. It is our birthright. It is something that is beautiful, and part of our biological nature…. on the other end there is this fear, we need to be scared, we need to be fearful of who we sleep with because a bad decision could cost of our life and lead to a very painful death. It is where I feel torn in a way… Wanting to engage in this wonderful creative and sexual energy, yet we as humans have created this fear around sexuality, almost as if it is a sin so now there are diseases that endanger that aspect of ourselves… It hit me very deep today….
I am feeling… a wild variation of emotions… painful, sad, off, scared, hopeful, helpless, and thankful, and inspired to make a difference in some way..
Magic, Miracles, and Serendipitous Moments… Lots of random things happened today… I was thinking about Corey and he texted message me haven’t heard from in a long time… I thought about Aaron and he called me not 5 minutes later. A guy named Brandon who I haven’t seen for 7 years contacted me today. He saw me on myspace. LOL! How funny… 7 years, talk about sexual energy he has it. Actually all 3 men that contacted me today have GREAT sexual yumminess! I needed gas and wanted a mobile for a speedpass. I had to go left but I decided to go right and go a different way and not a minute later there was a mobile!! I love how the universe always provides what we need!
I am grateful for… My life and what I do have. I am grateful for my strong body, I am grateful for my path. I am so thankful that I am on the path that I am on. I wouldn’t change it for anything there is so much to learn and so much enriching aspects… I am grateful for humanity and for the goodness that I know lies deep in each one of us.
Final thought for today… We need to be educated, we need to be aware, we need to be strong. So many woman will go on sleeping with men to feel worthy to feel loved, and not ask the questions of their past. I hate that we have to ask, I hate that we are in such an epidemic with stds that it just goes with the territory. I am also thankful. It is a call for us to WAKE UP! To stop engaging in loveless activities. To really stop, enjoy each other, and that we don’t need to have sex to feel the love. Do I love sex? YES. Is it important in a healthy relationship? I say yes! But the essence of who that person is so much more touching, more stimulating than the physical orgasm that we are all after. We all want to get our rocks off we all want that result, that high. We rush through the foreplay, we push and men don’t want to wait. We have said that it is just the way men are and that is the way that it is. Well you know what I think it is time that women take a stand that there be a change. That men start to honor women and their bodies, that they are not looked at as sex objects and just good for a good screw. Men get off the hook as they say that is just the way we are. No, what about women owning their power and say no we will wait, we will get to know each other on an intimate level. We will be able to look in each other’s eyes for hours before we have sex. We will get connected, and get to know our bodies, we will take it slow. Everything is such a rush. We rush to do this and that, fast food this and easy money that way, go to a shop and get jacked off it is easy and cheap, why not? It is a good release.. We just push and push and push and there comes a damn time like now we need to just say slow down. Slow down please enjoy who I am and get who I am, as I get to know who you are! We don’t do that!! We are animals with animal instinct I get that but at the same time there is a deeper level, there is more…. Ok I am going to end this post for today, with the final thought we just need to love more. Love ourselves, love others, and look for ways to be of contribution everywhere and anywhere we can!!!
