Where I am.. Well, I took some pictures today. I am taking pictures of the whole process, which will be revealed at some point along this journey 
I know I have been working hard, disciplined, feeling so much better. Wow, I mean so much better in so many ways.. But, I was not thrilled about what the pictures looked like.. Granted I am not done up, I am not tan, I am not ready for the stage… BUT.. I have a ways to go, and not a lot of time.. So, there was a bit of panic today. There was bit of frustration and anger inside of me.. Like what the hell is the point? Am I ever going to get there.. I had to stop and breathe and remind myself that this is all a process.. This is about looking good. But, it is more about really be a fine tuned athlete mind, body and spirit & also being a Hot Goddess….So, this is my process and I just need to honor where I am.. argh, haven’t quite swallowed that one yet today.. A work in process is all I can say for today!!!
Diet - salt and sea water
2 figs and an apple 9:30
Almond Butter, Raw Chocolate Nibs, and a Banana 12:00
Baby shrimp with about 1/2 c of garbanzo beans and 4 asparagus 3:00
Grapefruit and almonds4:00
2 dates, 2 slices of dried mango, dried vegetables, and essential light, lecithin, flax seed oil, almond milk
larabar
It is so obvious when I am overwhelmed I am more hungry or I think that I am more hungry and I want to snack hence the last two meals I had!!!
Workout – No workout today. Which has been interesting because I was a bit poopy for some of the day. I am just really seeing the benefits of having a morning routine working out and getting myself connected and centered!
Body – Well I want to say my body is good. But what I really want to say is it looks FAT!! I know that isn’t the truth and a bit extreme, but that is just where I feel today. I am also a bit off with my period… Got it September 16th last month! I am usually on a 28 day cycle…. That is a sign that my hormones are off a bit.. I am just going to say that it is a sign that my body is transformation at such a fast rate, that it is just adjusting to be a lean mean machine….
Mind- Is a bit frustrated, nervous, and feeling like something has got to give.. I am training so hard, I am doing all the “right” things, and I just am experiencing not being able to get ahead.. Thinking that this is just a waste of time, and is taking too much time.. I am not having the thought of giving up.. I am just having the thought of what the hell am I doing this for? It is expensive, time consuming, and I am preparing to wear high heels on a stage. How weird? LOL! This is just my negative persona that is shining through right now. I don’t indulge her very often. But, today she is just expressing herself more than normal!
Soul – My soul is feeling a bit weak and sensitive today. I feel like I am really hard on myself. I also feel like sometimes I am pushing to be this independent woman all the time.. I am very driven, passionate and have such a huge vision. That I take on so many masculine qualities.. That sometimes I just want to be a woman. I want to let go and enjoy and not always having to push to get ahead, to work on the next project.. I have created so many projects that keeps me in overdrive in my mind a lot of the times, I just am aware that I need to be more conscious to connect to that feminine energy, to continue to get in touch with my heart, and stay heart centered! My intention is to live from my heart, and control my mind. If my mind controls me I don’t do anything, I am always on guard, I am living in fear, and all of the limitations that have been created from my past… My soul is calling me more and more to listen there, rather than the rackets that go on in my head..
I am feeling… Behind and fearful, yet splendidly imperfect
Magic, Miracles, and Serendipitous Moments… I got a call from Joelle tonight. What a beauty she is!! I got really clear on a lot of things of why I am pushing myself, and what is missing, and the power of my choices, and really looking at how I can take responsibility for what I create in my life! She is such a powerful woman I love her! Had a family get together and dinner, although I didn’t eat. I could still be there with them and enjoy everyone’s company. That is a breakthrough because usually I will eat something because I feel uncomfortable with my way of life. I just didn’t do it, and sat at the table while everyone else ate.. And, miraculously everyone just is ok with it. If I don’t make a big deal out of it, just let it be, then it isn’t a big deal! If I don’t resist, then wow what I concept there isn’t resistance around me!! 
I am grateful for… The power of choice. I can choose something different at any moment. Whether it be my thoughts, feelings, emotion, environment. I am thankful for the freedom. I grateful to live in the United States!! I am thankful for my awareness!
Final thought for today….I am observing more and more of who I am and how great it is to be me! To live my life is amazing!! I have freedom, I have choice, I don’t have any responsibilities, no husband, no animals, no house, not to many belongings. There is so much that I have wanted in my life that I am not achieving! It just looks a bit different than I thought! But, the opportunities are there. It is OK to be me in all shapes and forms right now. It is good to be ME!
Filed under: My Diary
