Where am I?

It is Sunday afternoon and lately I am really taking inventory on my life and where it is going and how I feel on my inner world as I progress! Attachment is really coming up for me and I am seeing how attached I am to my beliefs, to my fears, to the way I think things should be and how I think they should go! For instance I am doing a contest in November and I find myself planning obsessively how much weight I need to lose -(that I think I should have lost yesterday - and I end up just being so engulfed in the milestones that I don’t want to do them because I have lost the essence of the journey. I am so attached to how I think that I should look, and how I want to look. To some degree it is GREAT to hold a high vision for oneself but then on the other side when that vision is something to make you feel bad, where you have to force yourself to eat well, or to workout out of self hatred is a way I do not choose to live. I am starting to get each and everyday how beautiful I am right here and right now. It doesn’t mean that I think that I am better than anyone else, it is just that I am honoring my body, and who I am more as a woman. And, by doing that I get to fully be who I am right now.

There have been times where I didn’t go to a party because I didn’t like what I looked like, I wished that I was skinnier, I didn’t want to be seen, I didn’t like my hair, I had a big zit whatever my story was – I didn’t go. and I would miss out on the opportunity to connect with people. But when that negative self talk and that belief that we need to be more than we are right now, we miss the present moment and all of it’s opportunity to shine grace on us. I can catch myself now when I look to the past and when I look to the future and to stop and breathe and stop chasing the ever eluding carrot on the stick. I know as women we all go through many phases in our growth to becoming what we can and what we would like to be. My desire is that we as women come together and instead of allowing jealously and fear push us apart – have us come together and acknowledge everyone’s beauty. We all have it. We all are beautiful, some in different ways.

By being beautiful I don’t mean just on the outside looking attractive, hot, sexy whatever we choose to try on. But it is about the inner world as well. How do we feel on the inside about ourselves, about our life. Beauty can be seen in someone’s personality, in there attitude, in there faith, their strength and courage. I see beauty as all encompassing of who we are as woman, as humanity. That we can honestly feel good with what we have, and who we are and be grateful. I am so grateful these days with the love in my life and so much goodness! WoW. And to be fully present and get it and take it in - I am so moved and it feels good. I am still going for my goals but in a much more relaxed state of mind and to me that is simply beautiful to live a life out of peace, joy and love, rather than stress, anxiety and fear. We all have the choice? We can either stay attached to the way our lives are now and the beliefs that are no longer serving us. Or we can rise up and do the work to transform who we know ourselves to be. I choose rise up and keep growing and expanding…. aaaahhh..

from my deep and loving spirit,

Alexandra